K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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