Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
