talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
