my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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