distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
