so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
