i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
