whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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