Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
