my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
