Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
