There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
