I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I bet he comes in French.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
