You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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