dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
