ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
