I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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