just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
