you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
