ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
People in love make me want to vomit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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