Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
