How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
