I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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