The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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