So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
