my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
