well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
