I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
