OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
