Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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