If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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