Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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