sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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