at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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