forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
