Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
