You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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