I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's blow job season.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
