Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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