dude i'm inner monologue high
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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