Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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