Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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