Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the room spins SO much faster in panama
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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