I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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