Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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