I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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