So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
