You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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