That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
