Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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