Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
